311 Would Dig It

My heart hot, my blood cold, my emotions mixed,
I stand on the spot, unformed and transfixed
As a bolt of brilliance rips into the night.
The dark storm and dim slumber are, for the moment, set alight,
Marbling the black and the charcoal gray with white.
It feels wrong to take in, as splendr'ous sight,
Zeus getting in his destruction for today,
But what doesn't get less ugly, far away?

Love Is Deaf, pt. 2

I will be stunned to disbelief.

I will cry myself to sleep.
I will crave your approval,

and dread your touch.

I will spend mornings

Looking in the mirror

Searching for a flaw,

For what it was you saw

That inspired you to say that,

Searching for my self-esteem,

and I will pretend I didn't hear.

Love Is Deaf

It's the only sound that truly clears my head.

It's the only sound that could ever scare me to death.

It's the sound of unexpressed frustration.

It's my idea of celebration.

It's the final destination

For life's many awkward situations,

Like thinking you're to stupid to notice how I feel

(Like being too smart to open your eyes).

My Personal World, Part 23: The Haunted House In My Head

I don't remember the names, just the notes
That fill my head and my bedroom with ghosts,
Which is neither surprising nor quite the usual.
I'm left wondering if I'm really delusional,
If the chords wore shortcuts down in my head,
Or if I'm just easily (musically) led.
Keep the mix right, watch the ghosts coalesce;
One wrong song, they leave with unwanted gentleness,
Drawing back into the darkness, dancing dirges
To a second-rate soundtrack.

It's Not Reminiscing If You Wouldn't Go Back

I have been a shell of a soul,
a wanting well, a bottomless whirlpool.
I have known the gnawing nothing,
Been a tongueless, toothless vacuum.
I have lived through settle-for-anything,
Lived long enough to give myself this gift:
I have taken in just enough
To be empty, and hungry, but picky.

Rorschach and Juliet

I doubt that I remember the first time
I saw a beautiful face,
But I think I remember the first time
I saw a face as beautiful.
I wondered when I would be old enough
To date a woman like that.
To this day, when I see a beautiful face
It causes me to question.
I wonder what her favorite subject
In school used to be,
Or whether she would still have children
If she knew she had a choice,
Or if she could suggest a better way to write
Than starting with "I remember,"
Or whether she knows what I do
On the internet,
and whether my motorcycle is cursed,
So I will never find an empty road.

#WeCanLandOnACometButICant

I remember when there were stars.
I remember looking at them,
and then being too busy.
I remember looking for them,
and seeing only an aqueous blur.
I think I could see them now,
If I could remember to look—
If I could remember to stay still
To do anything but gaze into your eyes
and wonder why I can't find what I lost,
Or why we haven't replaced it,
Or how creepy I must be coming off right now.
I have found no answers there,
Only more difficult questions,
The kind I can never seem to ask aloud.
We can land on a comet,
But I can't even land on my feet,
Falling into chaos
and a deep blue sea
Teeming with life
Not my own.